Realism... Idealism. Well Woodrow Wilson isn't here, but I am.

Ahh today was more like it. Friends friends friends, and the Norwottuck haha...also my friend. That trail is kick a$$. But the only problem is the kids and their families on the weekends. The kids on the Norwottuck must be from Britain, because when I'm riding my bike like 14 mph and decide they want to replicate Billy Joel's driving that's not my problem. haha. Regardless I made it alright, and I broke in my new (old) bike riding to noho and back. Also I got my daily dose of protein as half of the bugs in the valley decided to fly into my mouth. But once again, it was so nice. By the time it was dinner time, I was crashing. Can I just say I hate dining halls. Well I do. I hate them. I like to eat in peace, not with hundreds of people. Freaks me out. I cannot wait to start cooking dinner for myself. I like learning to cook, doing laundry, and cleaning.

Did I mention last night I was so bored I was watching videos on how to do Christopher Walken impersonations. So strange. Not me. Him.

And I went to Mercy House today with Va, Mar, and India. So glad that is back in my life, and so glad to have my friends in my life this fall. I need Mercy House so desperately I don't think you could understand. If you have no clue what Mercy House is--its a church. Statement of my life is, "Hello. I'm Chelsea Whitton, and I need God."
Because behind all the lies of this world and false facades I want truth, and God certainly is truth. He doesn't say, "Oh Chelsea, of course I'll provide you with __ and __." He provides with things unseen, we all know I can go to Target and buy things I need like shampoo and Burt's Bees. Can you buy God into your life? Not so sure of that. Today the message was about what is real. The things we think should be valued as real in this life, even our own judgements and snap decisions are not real.
Everyday is a growing process. I feel like me, and I'm not sure what "me" is supposed to feel like because I'm always trying to change and/or improve, but I'm pretty sure this is what "me" is supposed to be like. And to not sound like a stupid morphing butterfly--, the journey is worth the stops along the way that remind me this is life. I could have been taken from this earth years ago as I ran towards campfires in Jamacia, VT, because I felt like it, or when I traveled to Costa Rica, and they had the largest earthquake in history, when I happened to be there. I was fine btw. My point is, why dwell on the things that we can't change, or aren't supposed to. I'll admit I dwell on the silliest stuff..wanna hear? Okay. Things that you can probably identify with, I feel fat, I feel unfashionable, None of the clothes in my closet are adequate, I'm just another person out of the 6.6 billion on Earth, My stories will never be told, I won't be able to outreach, I won't be able to forgive, I won't be able to forget, I won't be able to be satisfied with my accomplishments. Those are some of the thoughts that I have once endured. Just normal everyday people thoughts. My point being, whether you think there is a God up there or not, this life is so precautionary crafted, a perfectly harmonized symphony, with grace-notes to remind us its not perfect. Oh no, I'm turning into my old Henry David self. Oh stop me here, I'm taking a break from flowery writing. Or so I thought.


But God's got my back, He let me know this a long time ago. The first time I knew He wasn't just something floating around like the pink sparkle I thought He was, when I was in CCD, and we were praying for someone buried across the cemetery, and out of the corner of my eye, a great circular shape colored, oranage, red, pink, and yellow, floated in the shape of a cross around the ball of fire as I explained it. This is when I knew, that we truly and simply are never alone. Now I don't see glowing balls of fire everyday--that was a treat, but everyday I can find significant evidence that I'm not the only one running my life. And I'm thankful for that.

And I was going to say I'm sorry if this is too much, too real, but I'm not. I'm sick of caring what other people think. Of course I want to be a respected person of civilization, but this is me. Thoughtful, focused, and progressive. I'm not about to go out and write the 14 points though. Not yet anyhow.

What I write here is truth, the un-edited truth.