These are the nights

These are the nights that make me laugh and make me cry. These are also the nights that I hopefully will look back on and thank myself for. When I'm sitting in my Bungalow in Costa Rica drinking my epic long-island iced teas how I like them while reaping in the benefits of my latest novel/and or short story, years from now, I will send to my younger self--thankyou for filling your schedule to the point where you don't have time to cry. Which I guess is a good thing. That is how I'm looking at things right now. I'm contemplating cutting my working hours in half--which means money in half. Its a hard thing to do juggle a personal life, exercise and health, school, Collegian work and writing, work work, homework, editing a magazine and planning, and a broadcast journalism class that is overwhelming with new technological things to learn, and a class that has me act as if I'm part of the freeking UN. All I'm saying is I plan on being a hippie that writes, but I better be a rich hippie.

Sew me back together, I'm a loose knit sweater.

Okay so I'm still on this whole I'm transformed thing, but today is a challenge.

I was pissy from 6:50 a.m. on. I freeking hate my job. 8 hrs feeding pretentious faux hippies their organic overpriced still equally bad for you food. If you want to meet a real fricken hippie look at me, I steal apples off of trees, drinks from bubblers, and eat mostly soup from the can.
Some woman asked what country the coffee came from so I told her the general area of Central America--suffice to say she wasn't satisfied with my guestimate--what a bitch. I guess I just let people get to me too much today. I was like oh ya I got it from a fucking farmer, just drove it over the mountains up through Mexico last night.
It wasn't that bad after I guess--some kid asked what "Cosmic Cupcakes" were. They were on the menu but as usual my job just throws you there and wishes you best luck so I had no clue what "Cosmic Cupcakes" were. So I sarcastically said, "Well there a little specialty I make at home, and bring in. They're cosmic". Haha. Smartass. Like I care?

I made it to International Relations only to not be able to pay attention to more talks on Nuclear Sanctions. The world just seems so depressing when all you talk about is how much explosives we have to kill everyone.
As a result I wrote poetry, the only escape today. Then it was off to the Collegian to edit about 18 stories, only to find it was pouring rain outside, and rode my bike home in a ripped dress, in ripped leggings, in cold rain. Then to come back to my room and skype with my sister and have her tell me that I'm 20 and need to get my own apartment. WTF. How about she stops smoking weed for a living.

I'm blasting monsters of folk hoping for a miracle. That the holes in my life (and clothes) will miraculously be sewn together. I'm a weak thread tonight.

Nukes Make me Puke...not really, just ryhmed.

Okay the New York Times is pissing me off, well every media outlet, because all that is being reported is U.S. sanctions on Iran's nuclear weapon program. ya ya ya. Okay, why hasn't any reporter or columnist written or even thought about what part the U.S. has in this? Why does the U.S. have the understanding that we can have nuclear bombs and programs, but then go and dictate that another country cannot have a nuclear development program. Now believe me, I'm liberal, but I sure as hell am not supporting Iran. But, if I was a member of the UN I wouldn't be questioning who has what and how much, I'd be questioning and putting sanctions and restrictions on all countries to limit their nuclear power to non existence. Because what is the point of having nuclear weapons, if you intend on not using them. I guess its an ego-booster for the country--which is sad and lame if you give yourself value by how much power you have to blow up the world as we know it. What the hell is wrong with this world? Please vote for me as President in 20__. I think I'd flip everything we knew over, but we desperately need it.

I like not drinking

Never thought I'd say that. But this weekend has been nice and relaxing. I like how this year is going so far. Things are placid, not much to write about. I should actually make this silly blog about something actual, not just my ramblings. One day my friends.

Its supposed to rain tomorrow, which encourages me to do homework I guess :(. I haven't done much yet since school started. I told my friend Meg this, and she said, "That sounds like the Chelsea I know." Not going to even pretend. haha. I need sunglasses badly that aren't tacky. I was supposed to ride my bike to northampton to buy sunglasses today, but I drank too much water too quick and quickly opted to ride to Belchertown instead. I'm a wimp.

I still would like a hug.

Perpetualism Too Much Carbon Monoxide

Today was a headache. I think it could be partially because I'm eating like half of what I usually do, being only vegtables and fruit. But I'm trying to be healthy, I just get headaches I guess. I'm very worn down already and cannot wait for two upcoming trips 1. with the girls from the group Navs I'm in, and 2. My second trip to fall retreat with Navs. I like spent most of my summer in VT growing up camping, so to say the least I'm very excited. Last year Mary and I stole a canoe and paddled around a lake. I'm thinking we should definitely do that this year again haha. Maybe this year I'll steal a horse and go for a trail ride, I miss horseback riding. Just for the fall at UMass I'm trying to buy a nice camera, because I refuse to buy point and shoot pieces of crap again.

For this RSO I'm in I had to go to some meeting about the technical side of running a group. I had to leave early because I couldn't take it anymore. These poor people that have to look at numbers and finances all day. The thought of that makes me sad. It gave me a headache looking at the power point about finances. I was like shut up I've got places to be....well for me it was dinner by myself...again. This is getting excruciating. I also missed meeting up with my Broadcast group to film the Quidditch team. I was supposed to bring the camera. I'm a dumbass.

Tomorrow is Friday. I just hope its sunny and I feel refreshed and take care of things like my negative bank account, understanding all of this RSO crap, and enjoying life. I think I might Norwottuck it if my bike doesn't decide to crap out. Sorry I don't sound too happy, I really am just fine, I just once again have a head-ache, need sleep, and am very hungry/lonely. I never admit these things. Maybe I just need a hug :(

Tomorrow can only be better.

Anyhow I'm excited to be editing a magazine, I just know it has a ton of business stuff to be done before the fun part can be done. Also there is my perpetuating lack of wanted to do homework. And the lack of sleep is adding up. Basically I want to have a fun weekend. If you are reading this and want to hang out/have fun let me know, because I'm pretty much over this week.

For things being so good recently today was a headache. I can't figure out any of this RSO stuff for an organization I'm helping run, actually make that two organizations I'm running. I also didn't get to eat until 6 p.m. and therefore was blah. Blah blah, tomorrow hopefully I will figure out all of this technical stuff and get to work.

What are you looking at Swan?

Things are "good, great, grand get on the bus." Thankyou Chris Farley for that one, in Billy Maddison. No but seriously things are good. If you want to know. I'm busy therefore my blog is not busy, but that's fine, I should probably write about things like the media or political analysis :(

Knowledge in Knowing

So today I woke up giggling and can't stop. Well actually it started last night, with my Saturday evening in and I was watching the already recorded SNL when Will Ferrell hosted, who happens to be my hero. I fell asleep wrapped up in my comforter in my butterfly chair. I remember laughing at Celebrity Jeopardy and how for once Sean Connery actual got something right. Trebek asked them to make up a word, and who ever makes up a non-existing word wins. "Kathy-Lee" aka Kristen Wiig made up the word "Hoda Kotb" who is her co-host on the Today Show, which is hilarious. And then I fell asleep.

Today was another great day. Later in the day after meeting up with India, I said, "Why is everything so great right now?" Because, you have to understand, my life was so just everywhere all the time, and now it sort of seems to flow. About three months ago when I began this blog to chronicle whatever it was that I was going through, I never could have imagined things would morph into what they have become. Its more than I could have prayed or asked for. I'm not asking why, because its something that I've worked toward, and there is no questioning allowed. I just am how I am, right now, because of the things I put faith in, and the things I believe in.

But back to life and not theory, today after church I went to film the quidditch pratice--interesting. It makes for a good story, and I could think of a thousand things I'd rather be doing than running around on a pretend flying broomstick on a Sunday afternoon, but like I said, it makes a cute little story. I then had collegian meetings and signed up to write a story about an exhibit opening, and the artist whose collection is being displayed graduated from Umass. And the photographs feature nature. So that should be both interesting to me and fun to write.

Now trust me this all relates back to what I was saying how things sort of just flow together on some other schedule that I don't know of. Because if you know me well enough, you know that the UMass planner they give us in the beginning of the year, gets lost by me the first day, and from then on the only schedule I keep is written on the edge of old newspapers, coffee cup holders, or yellow legal pads which the papers fall off of. My point is I organize in my head--and hope that its adequate enough.

I was walking back to my dorm after the meetings, and I wanted to stop near the apple trees near the hill, its a little patio area, and eat and take a quick break in the sun...when I hear a whistle. So I look. Now I don't have my glasses, but I still can see that it is India. I just laughed, because its truly so funny. I was stopping by to just chill with nature and here is India doing the same exact thing. She was looking at this crazy bird on top of a pine tree that was unidentifiable to me, because it didn't look like a falcon, an eagle, a vulture, or a hawk. My only guess was an owl--which if that is what it was--cool. We then were wondering if the apples were edible. I decided that I would try. Can I just tell you--those apples are amazing, crunchy, organic, fresh. I guess I've figured out some lunch. Its kind of like in Costa Rica, when your hiking you can just pick a banana off the tree and continue on. That is sort of cool. Too bad we don't have coffee trees.

I am not even going to ask why everything is so good. I'm just going to enjoy it for once.

Soy Periodista

I am a journalist. I just learned how to say that on Spanish on the Coffee Break Espanol Podcast. I miss spanish. Don't mind the lack of an enay on top of the n, I don't know how to do that on here. Today was great, a friend and I sat in a park and chatted for hours while staring at the cloudless sky. It was very nice. Tonight am going to a dinner at my friends place. Things are great.

Why is my life coming together? It feels sort of nice

Can I just say I thought Megan Fox was going to make a complete idiot of herself on Conan, but somehow managed to do the exact opposite, which is disappointing to me, because I can't stand her.

Things are great. I put the word out that I would be interested in helping run the Christian magazine on campus Logos, which is thrilling, I can't think of anything more fulfilling and more perfect for my goals. As a journalism major with experience I love this kindof thing.

And because I felt like it I ordered a Sufjan Stevens shirt the other day, and I got it today, and it came with two Asthmatic Kitty albums, with all the artists under the label and some of their songs. So good its like Christmas. I really should go on a bike ride.

Update: So the bike ride was amazing. I went out towards Belchertown. You know those mountains towards the west that you can see from Central, and if you don't live here, well they're nice. Well I was on those kind of, it just sort of presented itself. I wanted to go earlier in the day, but I had to go to UVC-19, and pass in papers and deal with stuff, so I went in the evening which turned out to be beautiful and refreshing, and most of all I love fall. It is by far my favorite season, and it is fast approaching. I probably like it most because I'm red-headed, and the sun doesn't like me. The fall sun is different--it doesn't like to scorch.
My bike squeaks, and the seat isn't high enough for my statuesqueness haha, but it brings me to my favorite part of this town and that's all I needed after a fairly good week--a nice bike ride to the middle of no-where.

Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up at a decent time? its 2:14 now. The prospects of that are iffy.

The age of Aquarias.

So today my professor assumed we were all power thriving students, hungry only to make our resumes grow. I was cringing, because personally I respect the teacher, and I didn't want to speak up in a class of 200, but its not really the power that I'm after as much as happiness. Although, a little fame for my journalism efforts would be appreciated one day in the future. I don't want to write about humanitarian crisis' or global changing for my own gain is what I'm trying to say. I'm hoping to do it to inform, and hope that my efforts will change this place a little. I wish I said that, because it is truly how I feel.

I am so psyched to start running again. I went tonight and felt great I did about 3 miles, and did a crazy workout on the FAC stairs running and looping around for about 4 times. I totally needed to take a run and blast my music. My knees felt fine too :)

Don't you love when you find out things people thought of you that you thought the total opposite. Its so funny that you blind yourself with your doubts so much. I never knew what people thought of me--like in high school I cared, but in college I wouldn't spend a penny to know what you think of me, but hearing it is funny. Someone told me that my skin looked flawless, and I thought the complete opposite. Little things like these make you kind of look at yourself and say WTF? And someone told me I have nice little trinkets of my life in my room, just little things from my travels, where as I thought all I had was crap. I guess that is why we have friends.

In the Clear

Okay so pretty much I'm free as a bird--with out downloaded music. Yesterday I was notified that I was in big trouble for having shared music on my computer. They just wanted the reaction, Oh I'm so sorry, and whatnot. I only take music from big stupid people, my fellow indie hippies I buy from. I do have ethics people. But that's fine, they basically just told me to cut the shit out. So I will. Last night Meg called me and we laughed about boys, and other random things. I told her the story about how I was in a bit of legal trouble, and she replied, "You, You would be the one to get in trouble with the law. Not the quiet one, but the ginger." Of course we all agreed because we know I'm not cohesive with the government or any other sort of oppression. I will keep my word, I won't download. Okay? Okay.

To be quite honest, when I was going down to the oit help desk I thought it was going to be like Chris Hanson's Dateline: To Catch a Predator. Except this time I'm the music predator, and there would be police down there to book me. But I let my imagination go to far, and I'm fine. I then found myself here, with my Late Night with Conan O'Brien coffee mug, because I couldn't find my to go mug haha. Yes, only I would carry a Late Night with Conan O'Brien mug around campus. I'm going to need to update and buy a Tonight show With Conan O'Brien mug.

Things are good. I'm starting to research a book I would like to write, because frankly my attempt at writing fictional novels is sucking badly. The Short Stories and Life Glories of Apple Stevens" has been a long and dull process, and the character of Apple Stevens is always changing because I always have new ideas, so it doesn't flow. So I'm focusing on a book titled, What Has Told me to Tell, its about the stories behind the stories of journalism. The importance of ethics, and where our ethics derive from. Is it God, government, or personal morals and beliefs? What are the underlying factors that compose Journalism in America today, and how can we change them so Journalism portrays one word-- truth. I know, its quite the task, it really is, but I want to start now so in the next two years of my undergrad I will have written a book. I still want to work on a book of poetry, and fiction novels. We'll see.
Did I mention also that I'm starting to re-read James Joyce's Ulysses? Its absolutely nuts, and I don't know what James Joyce ever got any credit for being sane, but its fun to read and figure out.

I wrote the other day in class some things that I'll post later. They involve as usual my personal philosophies of space and time--because I'm a complete nerd.

Im a criminal?

Pretty much pissing my pants. I received an email and my internet connection has been cut off for distributing illegal information. Great. Great. Great. Freeking fantastic. Not about to put this on fb because I've been in trouble with them before as well. I'm trying very hard not to swear.

My name is Judy Grimes Just kidding

So Virginia and I have this thing or mostly she does where all we do is become impulsive obsessive liars, and say practically anything and make sure we put "just kidding" at the end of it. Its so funny. We got the idea from a skit with Kirsten Wiig on SNL. Here is one I wrote, to her, simply thanking her for a ride and this is what it turns into. Thankyou Saturday Night live

"Thankyou for the ride to buy organic groceries just kidding I rode my bike, just kidding I rode in your country music mo-bile, I bought tons of organic stuff, just kidding they weren't all organic, just kidding they were, just kidding but some were, I already ate the Pepperiedge Farm Cheese Crisps, just kidding, I ate most of them, but I didn't eat the strawberries, just kidding, I did, just kidding my pet cat did, just kidding she ate the rasberries, just kidding I don't have a cat I have a sloth, my sloth ate my cat, just kidding I don't have a sloth, I traded for a great white shark that I keep in my desk, just kidding I don't have desk because everything I own is ontop of it, just kidding I own nothing, just kidding, God gave me the world and said, "here you can have it", I declined, just kidding, but me and God are best friends, just kidding, but yes thankyou for the ride just kidding see you tomorrow, just kidding I won't because the world told me it will skip tomorrow, just kidding tomorrow is tuesday and I'll see you then.

Chipped Watermellon

Not that you care, but today is a day, where I'm just quiet. Its sort of nice. Just very peaceful. Off to class and copy-editing.

And earlier I tried to text my friend as a joke and I said, "Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off" because my friends have these pick up line magnets and tha'ts what they say. She replied, "Ya I think there is an air-force base nearby or an airport in CT." Remind everyone to never use that line, because it doesn't even work as a joke haha.

Update: Want to hear the irony of it call? Like 3 hrs later Im walking through the campus center...after all my day of laughing at bad pick up lines, and I have a smoothie in my hand, and Im walking down to the Collegian. Some guy kept looking at me, and he smiled, and I was like oh lord here we go. And he says, "I was going to steal that smoothie of yours." And I replied, "Is that right". And he says something like, "what would you do", and I said, "I wanted this smoothie all day. I'd have to chase you." Reminder: I dont have the mind of a sick guy, and we all know not to screw aroudn with me, because I will chase you down, and beat your sad little a$$ jk, but anyhow, and replied, "Oh well you could chase me to my bedroom." I replied, "I'd chase you but I'd stop at your door, thanx." Haha.
This is by far the worst worst worst pick up line I have ever endured. I quickly retreated to the Collegian, all flustered on my first day.


In related stories, don't you love when you run into new old songs that you had on your itunes? The other day on my ipod a Ben Harper/Jack Johnson song came on so good. Then to top it off Led Zeppelin's Friends came on...such a freekin good song.

Realism... Idealism. Well Woodrow Wilson isn't here, but I am.

Ahh today was more like it. Friends friends friends, and the Norwottuck haha...also my friend. That trail is kick a$$. But the only problem is the kids and their families on the weekends. The kids on the Norwottuck must be from Britain, because when I'm riding my bike like 14 mph and decide they want to replicate Billy Joel's driving that's not my problem. haha. Regardless I made it alright, and I broke in my new (old) bike riding to noho and back. Also I got my daily dose of protein as half of the bugs in the valley decided to fly into my mouth. But once again, it was so nice. By the time it was dinner time, I was crashing. Can I just say I hate dining halls. Well I do. I hate them. I like to eat in peace, not with hundreds of people. Freaks me out. I cannot wait to start cooking dinner for myself. I like learning to cook, doing laundry, and cleaning.

Did I mention last night I was so bored I was watching videos on how to do Christopher Walken impersonations. So strange. Not me. Him.

And I went to Mercy House today with Va, Mar, and India. So glad that is back in my life, and so glad to have my friends in my life this fall. I need Mercy House so desperately I don't think you could understand. If you have no clue what Mercy House is--its a church. Statement of my life is, "Hello. I'm Chelsea Whitton, and I need God."
Because behind all the lies of this world and false facades I want truth, and God certainly is truth. He doesn't say, "Oh Chelsea, of course I'll provide you with __ and __." He provides with things unseen, we all know I can go to Target and buy things I need like shampoo and Burt's Bees. Can you buy God into your life? Not so sure of that. Today the message was about what is real. The things we think should be valued as real in this life, even our own judgements and snap decisions are not real.
Everyday is a growing process. I feel like me, and I'm not sure what "me" is supposed to feel like because I'm always trying to change and/or improve, but I'm pretty sure this is what "me" is supposed to be like. And to not sound like a stupid morphing butterfly--, the journey is worth the stops along the way that remind me this is life. I could have been taken from this earth years ago as I ran towards campfires in Jamacia, VT, because I felt like it, or when I traveled to Costa Rica, and they had the largest earthquake in history, when I happened to be there. I was fine btw. My point is, why dwell on the things that we can't change, or aren't supposed to. I'll admit I dwell on the silliest stuff..wanna hear? Okay. Things that you can probably identify with, I feel fat, I feel unfashionable, None of the clothes in my closet are adequate, I'm just another person out of the 6.6 billion on Earth, My stories will never be told, I won't be able to outreach, I won't be able to forgive, I won't be able to forget, I won't be able to be satisfied with my accomplishments. Those are some of the thoughts that I have once endured. Just normal everyday people thoughts. My point being, whether you think there is a God up there or not, this life is so precautionary crafted, a perfectly harmonized symphony, with grace-notes to remind us its not perfect. Oh no, I'm turning into my old Henry David self. Oh stop me here, I'm taking a break from flowery writing. Or so I thought.


But God's got my back, He let me know this a long time ago. The first time I knew He wasn't just something floating around like the pink sparkle I thought He was, when I was in CCD, and we were praying for someone buried across the cemetery, and out of the corner of my eye, a great circular shape colored, oranage, red, pink, and yellow, floated in the shape of a cross around the ball of fire as I explained it. This is when I knew, that we truly and simply are never alone. Now I don't see glowing balls of fire everyday--that was a treat, but everyday I can find significant evidence that I'm not the only one running my life. And I'm thankful for that.

And I was going to say I'm sorry if this is too much, too real, but I'm not. I'm sick of caring what other people think. Of course I want to be a respected person of civilization, but this is me. Thoughtful, focused, and progressive. I'm not about to go out and write the 14 points though. Not yet anyhow.

What I write here is truth, the un-edited truth.

Confessions from a 20 yr old Drama Queen. haha.

I have a confession to make. I hate hate hate days like these. Don't worry I'm fine, and such, but I just hate solitary days, when you only meet up with people for like 3 hours. I never learned how to just sit down and relax and just have alone time--I always grew up around large groups, large families, and friends. Its weird having to sit by yourself. I don't like it. I could have done something, but last nights festivities left me kind of blah. I couldn't eat today, couldn't sleep, couldn't really do much. Am I admitting that I had a lonely day? ...hm

But tomorrow will be sunny, with bike riding, church going, and collegian meeting. I'm not sure how I feel, its not good or bad, I just want sun, a hug, and a good laugh.

If I ever Leave this World Alive

So regardless of how the night ended which needs no explanation, I had a fantastic time, blasting the Mountain Goats, and Flogging Molly. It was a great first weekend night at Umass. I'm so glad the first week has gone so good. It is the best transition I could have asked for, and I am so glad that I am able to participate with navigators this semester. I needed something like this group in my life so desperately. Once I finally dragged myself out of bed, I went to town with Mar, and found that today was 2$ towards your drink at Starbucks day. Fantastic, so instead of getting a cheap drink I opted for a Skinny Iced Caramel Latte. I absolutely hate this weather so will be inside for the rest of the night...I'm pretty sure. Maybe I'll start writing....or thinking of story ideas.

Do Hyenas Laugh?

I was just thinking....say you were an animal. Which is most likely the chance. The chance that we became humans is just crazy. But unless you like to go shark diving in South Africa, we have no predators, except our own mistakes. But my point is...okay


Would you rather be an animal such as a giraffe or elephant locked up in a zoo, with all the nutritious food you could ever ask for--but no adventure.

or...

an animal in the African Serengeti that is as free as can be, but pretty much everything is a natural predator. Hmm.

I really am not sure.

Food for the little fishies swimming in the deep blue sea

Okay classes must be able to read my brain because everything is Republican vs. Democrat. Everything. World Politics, Media Criticism, International Relations, and even Broadcast Journalism. Its sort of sad that political parties separate us all. But its impossible to be neutral and I'll admit it, I'm a liberal. Instead of a being a "liberal lion" I'm a "liberal leo"...I guess. I just love publications like the New York Times, for 1. not claiming to be unbiased, because all publications are. Even if the article doesn't claim a side, the choice of story, whether you feature a bad aspect of Obama or McCain months ago, or Biden vs. Palin. Its just impossible to disregard. Not that the government should run our lives or anything, because number 2. I believe that human beings are put upon this Earth to be governed by two things, God, and ourselves. Don't get me wrong I'm not a commi, or an anarchist, but politics have too many loopholes, even the democrats. We live in a democracy right? Yes I filled out a ballot in 2008, but who on that list makes about $100,000 a year. No one. Unless you have a seven figure number you can forget it. Politics are for rich people or people who have just mystified us all. In America we have the chance to be anything--Obama for example, but hes an exception to the rules that our country has followed upon for centuries. The media and politics needs much scrutinization, before we go criticizing the people who played the system to get where they wanted to go. Thats my blab for today.

As for my personal life and things that matter most to me--I haven't contacted my family for a while Consequently and regrettably things ended on a horrific note for my family and I this summer. I pretty much had to empty out my room and not-spitefully say my good-byes. I know I need to grow up and realize how the real world works but most parents just don't kick their non-druggie kids out of the house. Also my father called me "pathetic" and a "loser" for no reason, when I was packing up my things, and after all summer trying to rebuild myself and sense of who I am, that cut deep. And when my mother went in the car to drive me back and I chose not to say good-bye to my father he was offended. I know life is short, and I hate holding grudges, but his behavior was unacceptable and extremely hurtful. I know I'm not perfect, and I could have packed before, but its how I operate and I've tried to fix myself, but just because someone isn't perfect that doesn't mean you can go up to them and yell and say they are pathetic. Its so hurtful. I never wanted my family to end up the way it is. It could be a screen play, but its too personal to make it into some generalized family drama. I'm at school, but I'm regretful that I didn't step off into my own world yet again, with one foot, thanking my family for accepting me, and one foot ready to set out on my own. I know this is more than you would want to know, but I feel as if these things and struggles make me--well me, and now you know my deal.

As for my religious excursion as I like to call it, I think God is slowly but surely welcoming the idea of having me back in his life, or shall I say having Him back in my life. Its weird to talk so tangibly of something that exists on an alternate time period, but He helps me put the priorities straight. My thoughts unknowingly organize when I put matters into His hands. I can sing songs again, I can write again, I can breathe and know that I am living a beautifully designed life, in between all of the pain. And I'm thankful of that. I've been doing things with the Navs group on campus, and I'm not giving myself brownie points for hanging out with fellow christians, they are my friends and I value their lifestyles and sacrifices...thats not to say that I'm giving up on a friend named Vodka anytime soon. haha. There are just some things we can't change. But my point is I have a lot to learn on this spiritual journey and Its a slow one. Junior year in high school I was literally melting away--as some of you may know. Dwindling down to what I thought I was, nothing, so from that point on I realized I couldn't get through this crazy thing called life with out Him. I don't remember the specific day I say okay God, take it all, take everything that I have and I know away from me, but I know I did it, and since then life has been put in perspective. It has been a slow slow four year period of rebuiling, re-evaluating, and revising my conscious efforts, in what I hold to be true and real.

To be completely honest--this world has a vast exploration of things, people, culture, material items. Its hard to find out who you are supposed to be when you surround yourself with things that mistakenly tell you who to be. For a while I thought I was a coffee drinking, writer, with eyes so deep, stories never tell themselves the way they ought to be, but now I'm in a much lighter sort of vision. Things in life aren't meant to be so painfully heavy, contemplative, and burdening. That is why there are clouds in the light blue sky, and birds, to remind that things pass. Things are light and pass. I was watching this National Geographic feature on the universe and how it is so expansive that it is infact true that there are more stars than grains of sand, which I find impeccably annoying, its one of those things where you try to picture what nothing would look like, as your professor blabs on about how great Wallace Stevens' poems were. The beginning would be absolutely nothing. I tried to google "who created God?" out of curiosity. Want to know the best part of the search, there wasn't any valid hits. Its one of those things, you hope to remember to ask, when you enter another alternative playing field of time. I'd rather have a world full of all most everything and too much with a God, than absolutely nothing...wouldn't you?

Food for thought.
Love and much peace,
Chach.

This is American Music...Take 1.

Either this will make you laugh or scare you away, but its the truth.

Instead of biking today, I was tired from all the moving and getting used to this type of deal, so I slept until 11 and did my thing. Except for lunch with a friend I spent the entire day alone. Kind of lonely, but it was calm and I sat on a bench near the pond and wrote for a while....wow even I think I sound like a little old man with no friends so he sits near the ducks. But you see I don't mind these type of days, because it doesn't happen everyday. I then realized my phone was busted, so I took some backroads to get to Verizon, because I didn't feel like riding my bike down 116 frankly, who would?

In related stories, the White House has a blog!!? I just don't understand government sometimes. But what have we got to hide...?

I am indeed allergic to Kittens

Warning: Longest Post Ever. My apologies...lots to think about.

Today was the kind of fresh start I have been looking for a while. First of all there was sun. There was a new--old bike. Very old, but new to me haha. There was the obnoxious sweating as I went to class...all three of them. But I am signing up for more, incase your interested I'm taking Broadcast Journalism...teacher is an anchor on ABC Springfield, so I'm assuming the guy is good, International Relations, Media Criticism, and World Politics. I'm debating whether I want to tack on American Journalism, but I think I only want to take four classes, because I'm on track, and I am working Mondays at a coffee shop, and copy editing, and Wednesdays. I'm doing Umass Outing Club and Navigators, so I'm busy. But today was a great start, busy but good.

My bed was like uber low, and I needed to put the dresser thing they give us underneath so I had some guys help me, which is good because all of my stuff is unpacked, and organized. I can't stand being unorganized. Tomorrow I don't have class until 4 so instead of lounging around all day and doing nothing I'm going to take a beautiful bike ride on the Norwottuck to Norhhhampton, I did it..well walked it...last semester, and its so peaceful and fun. Then I'm going to International Relations at 4. This is a great transition back to the life I love.

But today awakened my mind from its summer hiatus, thank gad, and things kindof got a little stirred up, and I of course was worrying, about my future career, why I'm putting myself in school, why why why why, to so many things. Why does one of my teachers look like Santa Clause? Just kidding that doesn't really matter, but I got to thinking about what is Chelsea Whitton going to be? I am recently extremely interested in television production, which spawns the thought--comedy such as Jimmy Fallon, or SNL, or National Geographic? I am a political science minor, and I find it extremely complicated to learn things when I am so tilted to the left, same with journalism. Its hard, I've got to open my mind a bit. But I'm pretty sure I smiled the entire day.

At our floor meeting the RA'
s went around and told us to tell the general stuff and then give our "signature move". On the spot I came up with the very appropriate...are you ready?...."The Leperchaun" and I sort of did this quick 2 second jig, weird, but yes they wanted to see who I was...not scared of it.

Any how I need fruit, Umass really doesn't have an abundance of good fruit. I might just be a bit homesick--I don't know how, neither do you.

I really don't know who you is. But thats okay. I also feel strange being a junior living on campus. Its weird, it happened that way because I thought I would be studying abroad in the Spring and in that event I would not be able to get an apartment. So here I am in Baker, loving it, but I'll be here all year, because my passion to go to Spain, and meet some hot Spanish man, and never return, kind of faded away. I guess I'll keep my roots in the U.S. until Dick Cheney becomes president or something. Which I heard he might run...over my dead body...right. See I am into politics. This world offers too much.

Today while sitting in the sun I just sort of needed to write down what was going through my mind at the very moment, its helpful and insightful. While other students are worried about what party and how shit faced they are getting that night, I am worrying about my future(something indeterminable), and other things. I certainly don't need to go out partying to find fulfillment. Trust me kids...its fun until you wake up on a floor. Kind of like the Ringo Starr song "No No No No I don't drink it no more, I'm tired of waking up on the floor, no no no please it only makes me sneeze then it makes it hard to find a door." So here I am still searching, still persevering, and still not losing sight of who I am, and what this life means to me. Maybe I was supposed to be a philosopher or something, but no one gives a shit about Aristotle these days. haha. I wrote this...

" I'm not sure why I chose a major that has impossible limits, and dying openings, and changing times, but starting out is very hard. There are endless opportunities in writing, producing, television series, magazine, editorial, broadcast reporting, anchoring, behind-the-scenes (wont work I love the spotlight), research, public relations, online news. SO to the Professors don't stand there with your 40 year career and tell me that Journalism is dying. Where are people going to receive their stories, about our vast and ever changing world? How are people who don't have voices going to be heard, if the BBC and New York Times doesn't deliver papers every morning to millios of adoring readers. Journalists are effective communicators on a global scale, and yes they are all biased. I would be lying if I said that on a bias scale I was a zero, because it is pretty hard to write something and not describe Sarah Palin as a "whimsical alaskan do-it-all Mom" for example. News is widescale yet personal, prompt yet subtle as it is happening all around us. My point is that the opportunities are endless. Everyday you go to work and there is a new story to be told. If you screw it up, well guess what, there will be another one waiting for you the next day, and a bunch of colleges who appreciate you because you give a damn about something and have passion. One thing I am working on is focusing on passion--what is it that makes me tick? The good thing is I'm beginning to be able to answer these. I know the world isn't about everybody else, but I really do need to stop thinking so endlessly and wasting time. So I guess the key to sucess is number 1. Love who you are and use it to your worth, because if your hilarious and can't be funny in front of new people, than its just unseen. Number 2. Be passionate--about something good. Number 3. Never forget God is rooting for you. Even if rooting for you means everything electrical breaking on you, and you having a room the size of a jail cell, I mean Jesus traveled as part of his living, and his life was one of the most famous ones in the history of humans. Number 4. Don't let anyone, anything prevent you from becoming who you are. In my case don't listen to the Journ professors saying 'I don't envy your position.' Do they realize one day they will be gone, and there will be the need for new faces, new stories? We are in a media revolution, meaning at some point it will end."

Sometimes I wish things were as simple as Hello My name is_____. I like _____. I hate_____. Monkeys are cool. Politics are bad.



As for me my personal life is drama free and kickass and I love my friends. My hopelessness for any sort of relationship prevails. haha.

Today my day was...wake up with miracle txt by India, because lets be honest I would have slept the whole day. Then off to get chai, and to my three classes today, which went from 11:15-5. Then off to Navs. And back to move stuff around. This is the start of a very great year.

Hello I should pack.

So today is Labor Day, which happens to be uber cool because my triple great grandfather made it. I'm not lying, he lived in NYC in the 1800's and joined the labor reform. There was some debate to whether it was him or Peter McGuire, but historians ruled that Maguire was infact the creator. He also ran for Vice President of the U.S. in 1896 on the National Socialist Labor Party ticket. So maybe I'll be the one who gets the family back into politics. The rest of my family was Scottish dancers, irish drinkers, I had a grandfather who played clarinet on the Spanish civil war boat, but lost some fingers and moved onto saxophone. Oh ya we owned like half of long island, but sold the land a long long time ago. Not fair. But thats some history. Sort of fun. Packing....ah yes.

I'm vintage

Or trying to be....Like the new pic? haha, I was bored, and it just so happened that I ended up looking like a 1940's actress. I like it--different.

Anyhow, after a summer of fixing my inner self and fixing life in general, here I am, ready to go, to Umass tomorrow. But in reality I'm the same fricken person, I still say the f bomb too much, and pack too late, I'm still packing, and I'm still not 100% sure of myself, but this summer was a learning experience, and maybe a bit too depressing and insightful at the same, but its okay, tomorrow is a new chapter of my life. I am so excited for school. Maybe this year I'll find love, because I have my friends haha. Im like turning this into a Sex and the City movie..wow. This is to a new and fabulous year. Cheers
Love,
Chach

The hillls are alive with the sound of moving

Well....I woke up with the worst fucking headache ever...but we know I can't take meds for it...ah the benefits of yoga.

But I have two days left until my life and all of its glory moves to Umass. I cannot wait you don't even understand. I get to see my friends, and live my life. And in realizing its already September, I honestly have no clue how I got through this summer. No clue whatsoever. I was supposed to change and figure some things out, and like myself a bit more, and maybe I do, but the work isn't done. I still need to figure out some things, and I'm regretful because I was supposed to go back to school refreshed and worry-free. Well I am sort of worry free but there is anxiety there. I guess that is normal. Any how I'm getting the hell out of my house and couldn't be more excited about it. I have so much to do.

How do you solve a problem like Maria?

Hellooo Vodka

Finally, I'm not going to lie. I haven't had one drink all summer--and its not like I didn't want to drink, its like I worked every night and interned and didn't have a life. Tonight will be fun. Ima get my drank on with India haha.

This is the end of the summer, and I'm sad to see it go, but I got through it, now fall my favorite chapter of the year.

Come Together Right Now

I have finally received my new laptop. As as a result I am dirt poor and will appear as a hobo for the first semester. Yeah.

Today is good, as I slept until 1. I had a severe allergy attack last night. I was at India's house when I said hmm my mouth is itchy, breathing is a little harder and my eyes are a bit itchy. Well who would know that about 20 minutes later my eyes would be completely swollen and my lips the size of fish. All because I had a horrible migraine and couldn't shake it so I took Advil. Now you have to understand that I have a severe allergy to n-seds, like Ibuprofen, except I didn't know that Advil was just a brand name for the drug Ibuprofen, well two benedryl later, I'm fine and will learn to not make that mistake again. Because I want to live a bit longer than 20. I should just know this--I never ever ever take medicine, and I never never get sick. As long as you stay off the meds, I believe things run as planned. So no advil haha.

But anyhow the summer is winding down...my room is packed a bit. A bit, is definitly the word. Sat I'm going to Boston for a few last minute things.

Okay lots going on I have to work now.

So here I am, the world spins another beautiful day.

I cried driving home today while driving Kristen to her first day of high school. We were listening to an instrumental Devotchka song haha. Its just so surreal that my littlest sister, is going to be a freshman. My little brother is in middle school. But hes the kind of kid that wont get teased, even though he is lanky and has red hair, and loves science, he is well aware and uses it to his advantadge, there fore being pretty damn coool. They're so cute and I just can't believe it. My family is so different now. Anddd it was Lindsey's first day of College today. Its a lot of first days. They were all so excited.

In related stories, I love my friends--they're great. They take away every doubt I have about myself because I know they are there for the right reasons. I'm glad I have these people in my life. I say that alot I know.

In other stories I had the most horrible dream last night, I spit in someones face, because they were searching all the cars in the neighborhood, and I like kicked someone, and like it was all too horrific. I woke up and couldn't separate fact from fiction, so strange, then I realized I actually didn't spit at someones face and the guilt trip was over. You know how there is an underlying meaning to most dreams, well I just don't even know.

Today I work, and then I'm going to my g-pa's party. I think he is going to be 67. And he still can ride his bike 55 miles. So happy birthday to my pretzel eating, bike riding, vegetarian eatin, story tellin, g-pa, hes hilarious.

Tomorrow is my last day of interning, I learned alot, I was pretty stupid to think that I knew half of everything I needed to. I knew nothing. I learned alot, and how much passion and drive you have to have in the field of journalism. They say you don't go into the field to make money, so thats why I'm combining my studies with Political Science and Environmental Science, because I do want to make a living, but I do want to take everything wrong with first our country and second this world, and shake it up a little, because people don't know how to look at anything except for themselves these days. Its clear I don't support the elephants haha.

And just right now my mom is making pesto in the kitchen and she looked out the window, and yelled to someone or something, "Are you peeing in my yard?" The golfer replies, "Oh ya, Sorry". My mom replies, "I would appreciate if you wouldn't do that". Laughter breaks out, the the poor young golfer trots away.
HAHAHAHA