Food for the little fishies swimming in the deep blue sea

Okay classes must be able to read my brain because everything is Republican vs. Democrat. Everything. World Politics, Media Criticism, International Relations, and even Broadcast Journalism. Its sort of sad that political parties separate us all. But its impossible to be neutral and I'll admit it, I'm a liberal. Instead of a being a "liberal lion" I'm a "liberal leo"...I guess. I just love publications like the New York Times, for 1. not claiming to be unbiased, because all publications are. Even if the article doesn't claim a side, the choice of story, whether you feature a bad aspect of Obama or McCain months ago, or Biden vs. Palin. Its just impossible to disregard. Not that the government should run our lives or anything, because number 2. I believe that human beings are put upon this Earth to be governed by two things, God, and ourselves. Don't get me wrong I'm not a commi, or an anarchist, but politics have too many loopholes, even the democrats. We live in a democracy right? Yes I filled out a ballot in 2008, but who on that list makes about $100,000 a year. No one. Unless you have a seven figure number you can forget it. Politics are for rich people or people who have just mystified us all. In America we have the chance to be anything--Obama for example, but hes an exception to the rules that our country has followed upon for centuries. The media and politics needs much scrutinization, before we go criticizing the people who played the system to get where they wanted to go. Thats my blab for today.

As for my personal life and things that matter most to me--I haven't contacted my family for a while Consequently and regrettably things ended on a horrific note for my family and I this summer. I pretty much had to empty out my room and not-spitefully say my good-byes. I know I need to grow up and realize how the real world works but most parents just don't kick their non-druggie kids out of the house. Also my father called me "pathetic" and a "loser" for no reason, when I was packing up my things, and after all summer trying to rebuild myself and sense of who I am, that cut deep. And when my mother went in the car to drive me back and I chose not to say good-bye to my father he was offended. I know life is short, and I hate holding grudges, but his behavior was unacceptable and extremely hurtful. I know I'm not perfect, and I could have packed before, but its how I operate and I've tried to fix myself, but just because someone isn't perfect that doesn't mean you can go up to them and yell and say they are pathetic. Its so hurtful. I never wanted my family to end up the way it is. It could be a screen play, but its too personal to make it into some generalized family drama. I'm at school, but I'm regretful that I didn't step off into my own world yet again, with one foot, thanking my family for accepting me, and one foot ready to set out on my own. I know this is more than you would want to know, but I feel as if these things and struggles make me--well me, and now you know my deal.

As for my religious excursion as I like to call it, I think God is slowly but surely welcoming the idea of having me back in his life, or shall I say having Him back in my life. Its weird to talk so tangibly of something that exists on an alternate time period, but He helps me put the priorities straight. My thoughts unknowingly organize when I put matters into His hands. I can sing songs again, I can write again, I can breathe and know that I am living a beautifully designed life, in between all of the pain. And I'm thankful of that. I've been doing things with the Navs group on campus, and I'm not giving myself brownie points for hanging out with fellow christians, they are my friends and I value their lifestyles and sacrifices...thats not to say that I'm giving up on a friend named Vodka anytime soon. haha. There are just some things we can't change. But my point is I have a lot to learn on this spiritual journey and Its a slow one. Junior year in high school I was literally melting away--as some of you may know. Dwindling down to what I thought I was, nothing, so from that point on I realized I couldn't get through this crazy thing called life with out Him. I don't remember the specific day I say okay God, take it all, take everything that I have and I know away from me, but I know I did it, and since then life has been put in perspective. It has been a slow slow four year period of rebuiling, re-evaluating, and revising my conscious efforts, in what I hold to be true and real.

To be completely honest--this world has a vast exploration of things, people, culture, material items. Its hard to find out who you are supposed to be when you surround yourself with things that mistakenly tell you who to be. For a while I thought I was a coffee drinking, writer, with eyes so deep, stories never tell themselves the way they ought to be, but now I'm in a much lighter sort of vision. Things in life aren't meant to be so painfully heavy, contemplative, and burdening. That is why there are clouds in the light blue sky, and birds, to remind that things pass. Things are light and pass. I was watching this National Geographic feature on the universe and how it is so expansive that it is infact true that there are more stars than grains of sand, which I find impeccably annoying, its one of those things where you try to picture what nothing would look like, as your professor blabs on about how great Wallace Stevens' poems were. The beginning would be absolutely nothing. I tried to google "who created God?" out of curiosity. Want to know the best part of the search, there wasn't any valid hits. Its one of those things, you hope to remember to ask, when you enter another alternative playing field of time. I'd rather have a world full of all most everything and too much with a God, than absolutely nothing...wouldn't you?

Food for thought.
Love and much peace,
Chach.