Okay I knew I'd write an explanation...what else could you expect?

What is wrong with the day today? I couldn't have predicted it would have been this traumatic/testing. I think the bad vibes are aflowin because my sister also had a tough day, philosophically wise, and same here, questioning my beliefs, why I am the way I am, and what would happen if I just sort of took off. I have a family who semi-likes me, a shit load of hippie clothes, and about $500 bucks. Where to?

To be honest I have no f*&^%$& clue what is going on in any of my classes, and I'm going through a spiritual fight which has knocked me completely off balance. God gave me a gift today--the choice of opting out the easy way of a class and receiving credit for an internship I've completed, or taking the stupid ass class and suffering with loss hours of social life, and sleep. Its not like I have much of a social life to begin with and I'm perpetually single so whats the big deal right? I just don't know. I'm not serious enough, or am I too serious?

On a related note: How can I think the bible is a hypocrisy and social scheme and still love God/Jesus? Believe me I'm a writer, a journalist, a thinker,and most importantly a God believer, and I know when something is a mere metaphor, not an actual occurrence or happening. But then again what the hell do I know? When you figure that one out let me know.

All I can say is I have a certain friend in my life right now that keeps me sane. Thank God for that.

I'm not sure whats holding me together.I'm not sure if I like myself, or what I'm doing. I've got to figure that out relativly soon before I go around saying My name is ____and I do _____ and I love ___and just have it blank-see how pathetic that is? I want to be able to fill in the blanks...and happily.

So as to what is keeping me motivated-maybe the one piece of bread and two coffees I had today. Definitely not, perhaps winter break will be amazing. I can fall in love with someone in Belize and never return. The end. Except it was never a fairy tale to begin with.