Speculative.

So I saw "Its complicated." Its clear to say I have a thing for Alec Baldwin and probably always will.

The past couple of days have been rough. I'm just trying to realize that I need to be appreciative of what I have and go from there. Of course I want to be the world traveler as my grandmother calls me and tell tales of inspiring feats but inorder to get there I have to take small steps, and we all know I run, well, like a cheetah.

Other than that I remain highly questionable of my life right now and what I'm doing with it. I feel rotten just thinking that I have the freedom to choose, when other people are stuck in their ways of life with no choice. I guess I have to look at it glass half full and go from there. I don't know, school is great and all, but I want to see the world. Meet people, meet places, figure out something new about the world, and about myself. As always, I need God and so I continue on.

I keep saying 'this year will be about' but I don't really know, we'll have to let it unfold. I guess last year was all about pulling myself up by the bootstraps and facing everything I hated about myself and doing somethign about it. Not that I perfected myself, because I haven't and will never be completely put together, I who I am. The other day my friend said to me, "Before anyone can love you you have to love you first." And I agreed, and for once, yes I like who I am, and don't really care so much as to what the outsiders think anymore. Which probably explains the way I dress these days.

This year, if I had to describe a theme or wish as to what would happen, I want to let go of the past, change my whole view to optimism, and start my life. Maybe find a decent guy.

Oh also needing mention, I am like a five-year old girl, waiting for e-mails from someone, that hasn't emailed me back after our last conversation. Its rediculous and I should stop. I'm glad I just admitted that.

Oh confessions on a blank lit up screen.

Hope everyones New Year resolutions are going well. My resolution to not drink so much and not eat chocolate was quickly diminished when it went from 11:59 to 12 a.m. and I still had chocolate and champange in my hand. Oh indulgence.