"Let it go, let it all go away, we'll start all over again."

I'll start off with an alarming proclamation: buying Oreos because they are on sale is no excuse to buy them. I bought Oreos and they're addicting. Its funny I was telling my friend today how laid-back I am compared to years ago. Before I would never buy Oreos.

How I approach deadlines with a fearless demeanor, at the last moment these days is a common occurence. I don't keep a calendar or a planner. I'm not a planner, not much of a do-er these days either. That may need some speculation. I sometimes wish something or someone would pull me out of bed before the normal time I get up and say we're going to Alaska, we're going hiking in the Grand Canyon, we're going to New York, we're going to Yellowstone and we're gonna leave everything behind and go find ourselves in the world someway, somehow. I guess I have to do that here in Amherst instead.

I think I'm in this weird phase where honestly I'm a bit weary, a bit scared to jump in and not worry about everything and just focus on one thing. Focus is something that I would like to focus on...no pun intended. For most things I have long answers or explanations. For my current mindset of letting things unfold, I simply can't explain. Its this person I've become. If I can apply this philosophy to the rest of my life that would be great. I worry but don't do anything about it. I'm in this phase where I'm very worried about the foundation of my life, my future career, my view of myself. I fear that I will never find a place in the world-my place, that I don't question or hesitate to jump into. I don't know if this is me or part of the human experience.

I get envious of famous poets, writers, authors and know-it-all journalists. I need to transform that into inspiration. I don't want to become one of those tortured souls who only writes incredibly when they're strung out. They're brilliant but idiots at the same.

Its my reasoning and hope that maybe some souls can't be held down, or stay in one place too long, or be perfectly content with things the way they are. I've always got a yearning for something, a want for peace and rest coinciding with progress. I'm just one gray soul, who wants to use my voice in writing and through song, my eyes through photography and understanding, and my mind, which sometimes loses itself altogether.