Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. --Mark Twain

Today I have the day off, so I will take time to write things, that have been stuck in my head for a long long time.

I do not want a shiny car, granite counter tops, designer labels, I do not need these to be content, because at the end of it all, we are people with two legs, two arms, eyes and ears, who occasionally smile;)
I was picturing it-around the end of my life when my red hair has turned to some awful color, and my freckles fade into one blob-kidding, and no matter how many lotions and potions I'll use my face will still have wrinkles, but I still have the same feelings, same memories, maybe a house, maybe a husband, maybe a horse. Are people going to remember me for the car I owned or the clothes I wore or for what I did? And say if heaven really is up there, is God going to say well you owned a Mercedes so your in baby. Haha. That would be funny. Jokes on me.
I noticed plentiful amounts of Mercedes and BMW's while driving and other triangles and circles on cars that point out some sort of status, but really what is the point of it all. I know I'm not normal because of these ways of thinking, but I don't mind. I'm finding out who I am, and how I want to spend my life, because I'm sick of sitting around waiting to feel content in the things I have. But I have found that once again things will never make me happy. I also realize that in this point of my life, my once existing relationship with God has crumbled to an abrupt halt. Its not like I'm doing crack or anything, but there's something in my life that feels empty where before it didn't. Its sad, and I say I'm working on it, but I know I can do much more. But I refuse to go to church with my family, because it is a hypocrisy, and I don't support conservatism, where we sit in a world that is much more than old white people.

Last night I was doing some reflecting on my summer, why I feel the way I do, and what led me to feel the way I feel. I'm not quite sure, but I don't like the way I feel this summer usually, but I think its a sort "soul search" a way of saying "wait there is much more to come". I'm turning twenty and I guess this is me being uncomfortable sitting in one place for too long, or getting too comfortable with myself...which some argue is a good thing...but I'm not taking sides :). I do believe that I am soul searching, its all very self revolving, but I guess before I go out to save and write about the world, I have to first understand myself and what I want and what I need to work on. There is two things that came out of the summer that I know I need to change, I need to be happy just because I'm breathing, running, and living. The fact that I can go to my sink and press down the filtered water button amazes me. I think luxury is Christian Louboutin shoes that I'll never where, but for most luxury is having the ability to sit back, smile, breathe, and take a drink of clean water. Another thing I think about way to much is "why me", not why me in the sense that things went terribly wrong, but in the sense that why wasn't I plopped in a poverty stricken city somewhere destitute like San Jose, or in Indonesia. Instead I was plopped in a country on a map that colors my country as yellow...for prosperity, and and the continent below us is colored red for poverty. I just can't understand these sort of things. I don't know why I think about these things, I just do. I'm trying to understand these thoughts and have taken the decision hat its Gods way of creeping back into my life, and inspiring me in ways my materialism couldn't, and cannot.